Advice on marrying a Shia

Advice on marrying a Shia

Question I was asked: I loved this Shia guy, that is very good ma shaa Allah, and he isn’t like the rest of the Shia, but my parents are rejecting him because he is Shia? What would you advise me?

ANSWER

Asalam alykum,

Dearest sisters, you judged him and said “he is a very good guy ma shaa Allah“, my question is how do you know he’s a good guy?  We can’t be sure of ourselves, and that’s why Allah Almighty had forbid us from praising ourselves, how is it with others. It takes a lot of association with a person to finally come up with a judgment that he is good, and you still say and we praise none over Allah Almighty.

Anyhow, my advice is:

A successful marriage stands on one very important category, which is the more you and this person have in common the better communication there will be, and the higher the expectations we will have that this marriage will be a successful one.

If this man, is proven to be Shia that automatically means the following:

1) He doesn’t consider the Quran that you have as complete,

2) He doesn’t consider the Prophet traditions that you have, even the most authentic as acceptable.

3) He doesn’t consider many of the prophet’s companions (sahahba) as righteous. You might say so! What do I have to do with all the previous points? That’s his opinion; Rabna (Allah) is to judge him not I.

What you have to do with this is that this means you and him differ on the very base of any 1) dialogue, 2) understanding 3) the base of perspectives in the long run. Since, he does not consider your references in Quran, and its exegesis, sunnah no matter how authentic it is, and even prophet’s companions as your role models, not even his beloved wife. If we cannot agree on Allah’s words, the prophet’s sunnah, the righteous companions, do you really agree on one Islam here?!  This will lead to major disagreement and then finally divorce which means an unsuccessful marriage.

He may seem or be good in his character, handsome, smart, eloquent, funny, charming, kind…etc. I may agree with you. But, my dear sister, you have to understand that all this is not the base of a mutual understanding, or the base of perspectives which again means major disagreement on decision making. Therefore, the good characters that you might mention are considered like the good toppings on a meal and not the base. It’s kind of like having your favorite toppings not on a pizza but on a piece of bread or maybe on a completely different meal.  The toppings on their own don’t mean anything it’s the base that matters (that is the aqida (creed), thoughts, standards in life and the hereafter) and  again it’s not the good toppings like mushroom, extra cheese and whatever have you that make a piece of old bread good.

The base of a relationship between you and a man you want to marry is in these questions:

What are you both going to consider as good or bad? What are you both going to depend on as standards to differentiate right from wrong and final say? Both of these questions mean what is his and your final decision. In marriage, my dear sister the base is going to be the real thing that you will be dealing with, while all the other toppings will melt down and disappear if the base is not there.

Let me give you an example: you get married to this man, one day he comes with another woman whom he says is his mut’a wife (temporary or wife for enjoyment). He tells you Islam says it’s okay. You argue that there is no such thing as a temporary marriage, and that this is zina. He starts bringing you his Shia fabricated hadeeths. You argue and bring him a hadith narrated by Ali bin Abi Taleb when he said that the last thing the prophet had done was forbid mutu’a and eating donkey’s meat. He tells you I don’t believe in that hadith. Those sahaba lied on the prophet. Well, the argument goes on and on. Because the agreement is in the base, that is he doesn’t consider the hadith that we as sunnis depend on. He doesn’t consider the Quran that you depend on. You can’t say it’s just a disagreement about a fiqh issue. You’re going to fight because this issue means your life here, this issue means your children seeing their father with a new woman every once in a while whom he calls his temporary wife. And you call zina and tell your children that that’s not right. Think about it!  You won’t be able to handle a new woman every few months told to be his mut’a wife would you?

The discussion between you and him, if he stays on his Shia belief is going to be a dead end, because he is going to say I call this halal and you call it haram.

My dear sister, my other advice is talk to your parents and agree with them that you want to get married to someone that is saleh/ pious and inshaa Allah you will get a man that considers the Quran, Sunnah and Sahaba. There are many out there, so don’t hurry on taking the toppings and not the real thing.

Asalam alykum

 

My stance on Shiasm

 

NOTE: After this advice, many had fell in confusion, and said that that is not what they heard their friends say about Shiam. Some Shias responded and said that they respected the prophet’s companions, and responded with taqiyya, My reponse was:

Asalam alykum everyone, jazakum Allahu khiren for reading the posted on marrying a Shia, I understand the confusion that many fell in, the Shia creed versus what some of your good Shia friends have said about themselves. I would like to note that understanding a theology for a certain sect is not by how some of its “innocent” or “blind” followers may explain it, but it’s based on its scholars, its texts and references. And when you want to study Shiasm, you must only go to the references that they consider as considerable references. And some of these references include:بحار الأنواب، الكافي، مصباح التهجد، المنية والأمل في شرح الملل والنحل،    etc. And there you will see what you would be shy to tell your own children…it has nothing to do with “authenticity” in terms of referencing and academic study of hadith or even spirituality, but hate, and cursing prophet’s companions!

If someone explained their creed in a way other than what was mentioned in Shia books, and rejected the Quran being incomplete, and said the prophet’s companions are respected, from Ali, to Abu Baker, to Omar to Othman to the beloved wives of the prophet peace be upon him Aysha, and Hafsa and not call either of them a “….”, – sorry couldn’t say the word on a lady Allah Almighty had revealed Quran in Surah Nur announcing her purity and bashfulness-.

Then they would have no problem accepting hadiths, if they are proven to being authentic.

If they rejected “legalized prostitution”, so called (mut’a marriage), rejected that the Angel Jibreel had mistaken the prophet peace be upon him with Ali. Prays and seeks forgiveness only to and from Allah almighty and not to anyone even if it’s one of Al Albayt. And does not believe that they have the right to harm any Muslim under the pretense of taking revenge for the blood of the prophet’s son, May Allah be pleased with all his companions, whom no Muslim what so ever would have hate for.  This person is on the top of my head even if they called themselves Shia, this label does not hurt, since every Muslim is obligated to love Al Albayt anyways.

Indeed there are many sects within Shia sects, and not all consider the Quran as incomplete, and not all believe in some of the previous mentioned details, but that is the majority of Shia.   Most of the unreligious or awakened Shias, that have no knowledge or aware of what their books say,  are very close to Sunni, if not even Sunni, because their pure fitra just rejected the falsehood said about Quran, or prophet’s companions, or hadiths, or even legalizing prostitution. I wouldn’t call those Shia, I would call them awakened Muslims, and may Allah Almighty bless those that don’t blindly follow others, and May Allah Almighty bless and forgive us and them.

Ameen.